Are you familiar with the Golden Rule?

Here’s the idea: you treat people the way you wish to be treated. Sounds simple, right?

Well, I’d like to suggest an upgrade on that rule…

It’s called the Platinum Rule.

If you’re reading my book, Good Enough Now, you know that Chapter Two deals with the notion of “Them”…and how we treat them. 

Your reactions are dictated by the head vs heart decisions you make…or heart vs action, action vs head…you get the drift. If you did your Party of One work from Chapter One, you’ll know how you roll.

Here’s an overview of the concept of “Them” and how we treat them.

What’s junk mail got to do with it?

I was opening my mail the other day and was reminded how junk mail senders push our buttons.

There was an envelope that read,

“Did we do something wrong? Renewal information included.”

I felt a sense of panic. “Crap! What did I forget to renew?”

I opened the envelope, realized it was junk mail, and tossed it in the recycling bin (Action). They got my attention by pulling on my internal calendar (Head) and maybe a little on my heartstrings by making me feel FOMO – fear of missing out – (Heart).

Expiration dates connect with a reader’s sense of Action. Junk mail, to be successful, must tap into all three – Head, Heart, and Action – or else it never gets our attention. 

In this same way, we may adjust how we present an idea or request to someone else to get their attention. 

Once you grasp junk mail marketing strategies, the leap to working with others shouldn’t be difficult. You’ll understand how someone else makes head vs. heart decisions and how they balance them with their action responses.

This is the basis of Tony Allessandro’s Platinum Rule. 

Do unto others…with a twist

The Golden Rule assumes that everyone has the exact expectations for a conversation, collaboration, any encounter that involves interaction. The Platinum Rule leaves room for diversity…

You learned in your Party of One work that you have a unique way of breaking down situations. If you work through the exercises in Chapter Two of the book, you’ll discover that the people around you have a very different combination of Head, Heart, and Action responses, as well…

So, to find out how someone else wants to be treated, I believe you have to listen and notice how they show up. 

Moreover, I believe we need to start with others being differently right…

Not everyone is my way. Even someone who is similar to my way isn’t always my way in every way. If I can notice how they are different, I can also notice how our myriad differences result in better teams. 

In fact, a team of too many similar types of responders may get the job done, but not as well as one intentionally created because of its differences. An intentionally developed team improves decisions by being more creative, innovative, and by taking risks.

Remember, our differences are correct in different contexts. Our strengths can either come in handy or deter progress. Our weaknesses can both hold us back but also limit mistakes, risks, and errors. 

We are differently right. By approaching situations differently, we can be differently right and do the best we can with what we have most of the time.

Head, Heart & Action modes…all ‘right’

Head, Heart, and Action behavioral patterns aren’t new concepts in the world of self-help and business growth books.

However, pairing these behavioral patterns with a sense of responsibility and self-reflection completes the Good Enough Now model.

All three modes describe how we habitually show up in the world and our relationships. 

Two of them – making head vs. heart decisions, action vs. head decisions, for example – are our “go-to” places, while the third mode is our power mode. The power in this third place is what prevents us from responding in specific ways. 

It also provides us with the realistic motivation to get out of our own way and nurture our dreams and visions and overcome our personal struggles during hard times and scarce resources.

Consider Singleton’s Courageous Conversations Compass:

• Emotional (feeling) responses are seated in the heart
• Intellectual (thinking) in the mind
• Moral (believing) in the soul
• Social (doing) in the hands and feet

This parallels the Head (thinking), Heart (believing), and Action (doing) modes of decision making, and by combining modes, we often find courage. 

This not only makes a conversation challenging but also imperative to have in the first place. Typically, our patterns of response stem from two of the three modes. The third remaining mode remains a part of how we show up in the world and our relationships.

The third mode…the third rail

As I’ve mentioned before, I often refer to the third remaining mode as the third rail. 

Much like the New York City subway system, the train runs on two rails; the third has all of the power…

The chances are that a challenging situation or conversation will trip your third rail. That’s why it may need more courage to confront. It isn’t a habit…yet. 

Doing “Party of One” work helps you take note of your usual response patterns and uncovers the out-of-the-ordinary challenges that have come up in your past. This work enables you to use all of your lived experience to make better and more authentic connections with others.

Remember: The problem is that your “them” isn’t absolute. Someone in the “them” group sees you as their “them.” Real change doesn’t lie outside of us. It begins as an inward journey and then informs how you listen to and respond to “them” to inspire and enact meaningful social change.

Would you like to learn more? Check out my book, or contact me, and we’ll get a conversation started.

Part 2: The Social Justice Leadership Game

Inclusiveness Isn’t as Elusive as You Think…Here’s Why

Don’t Lose Sight Of Different Perspectives During Lockdown