Do you feel like you’re bound by the expectations of others? 

More importantly, do you feel like those expectations are unreasonable?

You wouldn’t be alone. 

I’ve talked about judgements before…and expectations are really just judgements with a deadline attached – whether they’re reasonable or not.

Back in March I took part in an online forum designed to help meeting planners get over the hump after mass cancellations due to the coronavirus.

Three fellow public speakers and I – all of whom who’d lost ‘gigs’ – realized that meeting planners were in a particularly tough spot. How could they regroup when they couldn’t bring people together?

My colleagues and I were able to adapt to a large extent. I went virtual, and it’s been an adventure, to say the least, but at least I’m working.

What I’m hearing, though, is that people have a heightened sense of immediacy to the demands on response time during online conferences. 

And it’s taking a toll on all of us.

When I leave the room, you follow me!

One of my colleagues made the observation about her online seminars…

She said, in the pre-COVID days, she’d deliver a keynote or conduct a breakout session, then be able to retreat to her hotel room – maybe go to the gym, order room service, have a nap, go for a walk. 

She’d see her participants at dinner or at another breakout and have conversations about the content of her presentation.

Not so in the virtual conference world.

Where audience members used to be able to live-tweet questions to the panel and have them answered during the session – and that would be the end of it beyond follow up emails or small talk at the buffet – the questions were coming to her at all hours.

There was an assumption of access.

Worse yet, her participants would get irate if she didn’t answer their questions immediately.

The expectations of others for unfettered access had become a sort of prison.

I learned how slow-fast is…

That’s what she told me.

Every email, every text, every DM and IM and VM had to be dealt with immediately…or else.

What did this mean for the seminar leader? No time to reflect. No time to think about her responses to complex questions. No time to review her notes, consult the literature, ponder the nuances of the barrage of questions before giving a reply.

She was exhausted.

I’ve had to slow down during the pandemic. Take more walks with the dogs, socialize less, read more, but also adapt quickly to my new business environment.

What happens when we speed up ‘slow’? We clutter conversations about social justice. Because it can’t happen in the “now”…it has to happen in the present and the future.

Here’s what I mean.

Now vs. Later? Or Past vs. Present vs. Future?

Think about it.

We all transitioned to a virtual platform to continue important conversations about social justice, diversity, education, and equality.

We gained access to broader audiences. People who might not have jumped on a plane and traveled to Chicago in November for a conference on diversity and ethics will probably sign up for a Zoom meeting to learn from their peers.

But the same train of thought that each participant would board if they were able to leave the convention floor, retreat to their room, review their notes and formulate questions, or solutions they’ve imagined, might be derailed before it’s been able to leave the station.

We need to push in the clutch on those trains. We need to find neutral.

It’s invigorating when people reach out to me after a presentation. I’m fueled by their passion, their interest, and their commitment. And that’s in the present.

They’re going to return to their workplace, try to apply the lessons they’ve learned, introduce gradual, pragmatic changes that can be implemented over time. Implemented in the present.

Those changes will influence the future and mitigate wrongs from the past. But it won’t happen right “now”.

“Now” is a hamburger at the drive-thru. It’s Googling the closest restaurant when you’re craving sushi and getting nine options within two miles.

The present is a time to reflect on the lessons you’ve learned and make plans for future improvements by making subtle, lasting, educated changes.

Some of us have more influence in the present than others. Learn to use that privilege in the present, but don’t expect the changes to happen now. 

If you’d like to have a “present and future conversation”, contact me and we’ll get started.

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Why Listening To Others Requires A Genuine Desire To Understand

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