Yesterday, I had to call my insurance company to get a form for taxes, and I first asked how the person was doing. He couldn’t’ believe that I was actually asking him – on a human level.

He is working from home, caring for an ill parent, has 3 children, and his wife is a doctor at the hospital and isn’t home. And he said he is doing ok grateful for this and that. It was 3pm in the afternoon and I was the first person to ask him about his life right now.

This is not ok and we can do better.

When our dogs are outside in the back yard or even when we are all coming in the front door from a walk, they are trained “Humans first.” 

This isn’t that I value human life more than my dog’s life – though this is a good reflective question for you about who and how you value life differently for different living things at different times of their life – I am not saying “Humans first” because I am better or more valuable – I say this so that 3 dogs will sit on the porch and wait for me to unlock the doors and enter the house and make sure nothing has fallen or been left out before they enter the room.  This scan takes seconds but can seem long when 3 beasts are jumping over each other to get inside first.  “Humans first.”

No matter who I am on a call with – I spend as much time as they need to talk about how they are doing right now.  I have a ton of time right now.  LISTEN for fucks sake.  If you can’t listen, maybe that is a sign that you need to share.  We are going to be in this situation longer than almost anyone wants us to be in, I don’t know who will make it through this, and I don’t know what life, if I have one, will be like after all of this has passed – and I can still honor humanity.

Honestly, today, I am not having a great day. 

I am trying to be supportive of folks that need assistance with the limited skills that I have access too and have stretched myself out of my comfort zone maybe skill wise, but maybe also just energy wise.  I don’t feel a productivity pressure that others seem to be feeling, perhaps because I am generally more productive than most on any given day.  

I am not a very touchy physical touch kind of person and I deeply miss my friend that always smells like coconuts and another’s soft smile.  These smells and tiny details don’t come across a 6 foot distance or on pixilated images on devices.

I am grateful and fearful. 

I have lost friends and I know others, more and more everyday that are very very sick.  I have burst into tears because I was happy, grieving, and sad.  I need to eat and I am tired of cooking.  I need to shower and am holding on to the last remaining bit of blue hair dye.  I need to finish writing for my new sexy website that will release very soon or my second edition book edits that will also be coming out soon.  I need to follow up with clients and secure dates in the future that both parties don’t know is going to happen either.  I need to go for a walk in the sun and stretch m back and legs.

I could finish cleaning out my office shelves, start my GIANT reading pile, cross things off my lists, take a nap.  I am saving these gems for later because I don’t know how long this will last, I am not applying any pressure to me and my productivity.

I want to go to sexy second brunch with my coconut smelling friend and make her laugh because that is what I do over cookies and bagels and chai. 

The closest I can get to what I want, what I could do, and what I need to do, is write.

I (and Dede – thank you Dede as usual for running my life) decided to post short articles during this period of time multiple times a week because 1) I need to write my way out of this (I felt so seen when I saw Hamilton the play) and 2) occasionally (no pressure) you – reader actually responds and tells me of a conversation you were able to have, or share what made you laugh, or even just an update on your life.  This means the world to me right now. 

Thank you. 

I too am a human, and I have to put my wants, coulds, and needs out on the table and then just listen to myself.  I thrive on writing, sharing, listening, teaching, learning, and connecting.

#FunFact:  I hate the smell of coconut.  I would really like island aroma smiles and belly laughs and will settle for emails and phone calls like everyone else.