We’ve all seen graffiti on the wall.

But have we responded to it in the same way…?

I’m guessing we haven’t.

You’ve had one of three responses.

1. Why would someone devalue property and violate a city ordinance?
2. How stunning and beautiful! The community will love this.
3. How did they get up there?’

 

These reactions are all valid…part of the Head, Heart, Action responses I talk about in my book, Good Enough Now… responses we all share.

When you take time examine your tendencies, you’ll understand how these three reactions govern your relationships.

I call it “Party of One” work…

Jessica, party of one…

I worked in restaurants putting myself through school. No doubt, many of you did, as well.

We all remember the rituals.

“Alvarez party of five.”

“Jill party of two.”

“McMillian reunion party, right this way.”

And the lone diner.

Did we feel sorry for that person eating by themselves? I probably did back then, in my youth. But now, I have a different perspective. Being alone, still, present and conscious allows me to refresh myself. It’s my Party of One work.

“Party of one” is the language I use to focus the scope of responsibility to work on the individual level.

For the record, a significant number of systems are at play when talking about how and why our society is set up the way it is. These multiple systems are deeply flawed, and I find that doing party-of-one work enables me to keep up the momentum and take note of progress in real-time.

Party-of-one work starts with understanding how we typically show up inside a model or paradigm. In this case, we will focus on our Head, Heart, and Action responses…or lack thereof.

These three modes are present in each of us, and it is up to us to identify how we use them when making connections with others. One mode isn’t better than another. Just understand that we tend to respond in a patterned way that utilizes one, or maybe two, of the modes with regularity…and varying success.

Head, Heart, and Action

Let’s go back to our graffiti analogy.

Head Response

Why would someone devalue property and violate a city ordinance? 

If you respond with questions or find yourself with a heightened need for additional information, you are having a Head response.

Sometimes, you may need your questions answered before you can think about anything else. All Head responses connect to a more extensive system and analytical detail.

Your tendencies are two sides of a coin. For example, you can be:

• Understanding or heartless
• Attentive or too inquisitive
• Ask challenging questions or be over-confident

It’s your job to manage your Head responses so that your curiosity about the process doesn’t mask your humanity, your faith in others, or your humility.

Heart Response

How stunning and beautiful! The community will love this.

A Heart response is a compassion-based response that often connects a situation or conversation to something much larger than what is at hand.

Emotional responses are often confused as Heart responses, but Heart responses are about big ideas!

The first concept that comes to mind when discussing a Heart response is a sense of belonging or connecting to others, even people one may never meet…

A Heart-responding person may feel connected to ideas or communities and defend them,  even as an outsider.

Your Heart response can be interpreted as:

• Authentic or not to be taken seriously
• Empathetic or too involved
• Being an ally or lacking the skills to move ideas into action

People who tend to a Heart response often have trouble with boundaries, and it gets in the way of meaningful social change.

Action Response

How did they get up there?

Do you ever leap into action before you know all the details?

This is an Action response classic move! If you are either driven to “do”  something in response to a prompt or fall into despair when “nothing can be done,” then you are in full-on action mode.

Action responses range from petitions to paralysis.

You can do everything…or nothing.

People perceive you as either:

• Results-oriented or a dictator
• Intuitive or impatient
• A leader or a control freak

Great ideas come as quickly as bad ideas. This is the risk that comes into play when an Action response succeeds or fails – that’s what risk is…quick action on a bad idea!

Can we balance Head, Heart, and Action?

Of course we can.

If you start with a Party of One analysis of your tendencies, you’ll begin to understand the dynamics in all of your relationships – personal and professional.

When you’re sitting at a faculty meeting, board meeting, or planning meeting for a rally advocating for social justice, you’ll see everyone at the table through the lens of these three responses.

More importantly, you’ll see yourself clearly.

Do you want to learn more about the Head, Heart, Action model? You can check out my book, Good Enough Now, or contact me, and we can get started.

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