Over the course of my career, I’ve attended hundreds of events – as a participant and as a keynote speaker.

At one such event – as an audience member – I learned an invaluable lesson in building community.

I learned about authenticity…and listening to my instincts.

How my instincts outsmarted my brain at a speaking event

My learning experience as an audience member is two-fold…

The content of the session adds to they sum of my knowledge, and expands my awareness and understanding of issues beyond my own expertise.

And, I’m a keen observer of how the content is packaged, branded and delivered, looking for ways to improve my own delivery so that my audiences stay engaged and feel welcome and accepted.

That’s a skill you need when you’re building a community.

I found myself in the audience hearing a very famous public speaker. He’d been introduced to me as a someone promoting a concept that was “moving” the industry.

He spoke “the truth” and asked hard questions. I was going to love him, I was told.

Sitting in the audience, my instincts told me something was out of alignment. My internal voices – my instincts – were uneasy. My brain told my instincts to just shush and listen to the presentation – it was enjoying a new perspective on the industry.

Building a community takes inclusion, not exclusion

Intrigued, I went to hear him speak a second time. I turned to a new friend in the front row and assured her she was in for a treat. This man spoke “the truth” about our industry in ways she’d never heard before.

Well, I was right…

What happened next appalled us.

He spewed hateful worlds, called community building – our work – “Fake News”. He talked at length about the new tax cuts then-President Trump had promised to socially important people like himself…

…even laughed at employees were going to struggle under the same rules…the employees who were his clients.

My brain was embarrassed. My instincts were horrified.

I saw him speak many times during my travels. And I’ve watched as folks become die-hard fans…only to get very uncomfortable as his brand as a ‘maverick’ began slipping in the industry.

Oddly, we were all propping him up, helping him keep on the mask of his brand…even though it put our brains and instincts out of alignment.

He was promoting the complete destruction of community building as we all knew it. One based on exclusion, “us” and “them”…one party holding superiority over another. It was building a community, alright, one based on divisiveness.

What is the best way to build a community?

That experience was in the very early stages of my career. 

Years later, I was sitting in an airport after delivering a keynote. I’d also done a break out session specifically on free to very inexpensive inclusion steps industry professionals can take to create a space in which more people can feel like they belong.

I was at my departure gate, bound for the next event when a woman approached me with a joke that related to my presentation. 

I learned about the depth of her experience in the industry, her love for her clients, their programs, and the community she gets to be a part of on a regular basis.

She told me she was often dismissed and underestimated because of her age, gender, race, personality, etc. She mentioned a position she’d held where she was responsibility for seven figure budgets, negotiating huge contracts, and was consistently a top performer. 

But she was never really rewarded or valued.  

So, she struck out on her own, resolved to build healthy communities so people wouldn’t have to go through her experiences.

Keep your instincts and your brain in alignment, and don’t underestimate your instincts

I was so impressed by this encounter.

She was authentic, curious, genuine, and extremely knowledgeable. My brain was engaged and my instincts were at rest. They were in alignment. This woman was the real thing.

I asked if she’d ever encountered the “maverick”…and her demeanour changed noticeably. Discomfort washed over her like a cold rain.

I always make an effort to “meet people where they’re at” when having a conversation, professional or personal. So, in order to put her at ease I shared my impressions of him, that I felt he wasn’t authentic, didn’t really grasp the nuances of building a community.

After a couple beats she said, “Yes!, I used to work for him! I’m so glad to hear someone being honest!”

She believed this “maverick” leader created the brand to support an internal fear of valuing one’s worth. His leadership cultivated an environment that lacked a sense of community…no one would leave because they believed they’d never get another job if they left supporting this industry icon.

This lesson hasn’t stopped resonating with my misalignment…my distrust of my internal voices, my instincts.  

I find myself believing the unbelievable because believing myself doesn’t seem valuable when, in fact, it is my most important tool in building community.

This community is where others can belong, and I can belong, too.

So listen to your instincts. You have tools that are valuable…you can build a community using the skills that are unique to you. You belong. 

I can show you how to put those tools to use…and share mine.